The thoughts of a 38 week pregnant mom of a two year old:
I have been asked countless times in the last week if I am ready to pop. Everyone always expects an enthusiastic yes and with my first pregnancy that would have been my answer. But when you are already a mom and you are pregnant again things change.
I was in such a hurry the first time around. My first pregnancy went so slow and it just seemed to drag on forever. This pregnancy has flown by and I find myself just begging for a little more alone time with my son, my husband and our comfortable little family of three. Like any other expectant momma I am so anxious to meet this new little boy who is only known as "baby brother" around here. I cannot wait to meet him, to see his face, to touch his skin, to kiss his cheeks. Along with that excitement comes a touch of sadness. Which I don't think is talked about much.
I'm a little sad that Des will no longer get all of my attention. I worry how he will deal with all of the changes. I also worry how he will handle baby brother getting so much of mommy's time. I'm sad that Des will get to spend so much time with his daddy this summer while I will be inside spending most of my time nursing a newborn. There is sadness in knowing that it's not going to be terribly easy for my big kid to crawl in bed with me in the morning to sleep in without waking his brother. Which means far less cuddles. I'm terrified of the changes to come, taking care of a toddler is hard enough with out throwing a baby into the mix. I worry that my big boy will be jealous or resentful. I'm also way more anxious about this labor and delivery. Maybe it's because I know just what to expect and last time is still pretty fresh in my memory. It could also be because Des has never been away from us for that long but I think the main reason is because it will be the beginning of this big new change.
On the flip side of all of this anxiousness and worry is excitement and hope. I cannot wait to see my boys grow together. I'm super excited to see if baby brother looks just like big brother or if they will be exact opposites like my brother and I.
I am so excited to introduce Des to his baby brother. I am hopeful that they will grow to be best friends. I am anxious to see all the adventures daddy and Des will go on together this summer. While I know how time consuming breastfeeding is I am hopeful to have a great nursing relationship with this baby. Having two boys means twice the cuddles! I have a lot of hope for our future as a family of four.
So as I sit here bouncing on my exercise ball typing this out I tell myself that it's ok to be sad, it's ok to be nervous, it's even ok to worry because this is going to be a big huge change in all of our lives. It's just so important to remember it is a happy, exciting, joyous change! So to answer everyone's question collectively, while I am so excited to meet this precious little boy I am in no rush to "pop" right now. I will just hang out with my two year old a little longer and get a little bit rounder!
To any other mommas out there feeling this way, you are not alone.-Rachael
I am a mom and a photographer. My love of motherhood led me to photograph all things from bellies to birth and beyond.